Even ‘Liberals’ Have Blind Spots
I have always had a thing about the south and southerners. I don’t exactly know why, but it isn’t all that hard to understand. I was a child of the 60’s. All someone my age had to do was watch TV and read the occasional newspaper. I learned about civil rights (or lack thereof), watched Dr. King, and saw the KKK and the John Birch Society promote hate and violence against Blacks, Jews and anyone else who was different. I heard George Wallace proclaim: “segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever” and then try to prevent the enrollment of two Black students at the University of Alabama. So I learned at a relatively young age that, in all likelihood, that I was not welcomed in the south and that southerners were not to be trusted.
As I got older, it seemed like things got better. While I, for the most part, avoided anything but major southern cities, it seemed like the level of hate and divisiveness had decreased over the years. Americans became, I felt, a little more tolerant. It may be that my decision to spend most of my adult life in the Boston to DC corridor shielded me from the realities of American life, but I believed that we were, as a society, becoming at least slightly more open to the benefits, value and importance of a truly diverse society. To be clear, progress was very slow and, unfortunately, it affected some more than others, but it seemed as though we were heading in the right direction. But then came Donald Trump, and hate, became fashionable again. And it seemed like any progress that we might have made evaporated overnight. As for me, my trepidation about spending time in the more rural parts of the south returned. But then there was our recent trip from Rhode Island to our home in Florida
As we were driving on Route 95 in rural South Carolina, we suddenly heard a very loud noise coming from the right front of our car. We pulled onto the very small shoulder and determined that, while we did not have a flat, the tire would have to be replaced. And my first thought was: ‘Oh, shit. We are in the middle of nowhere South Carolina, and we could have a much bigger problem than our tires.” I am not proud of my response, but nothing that I had seen over the previous 6 years could have led me to a different conclusion. As one example, antisemitism had increased 34% over the prior year (according to the Anti-Defamation League). I definitely was nervous. And then this happened.
We placed a service request with AAA. Within 20 minutes, a tow truck arrived. The driver loaded our car, we piled into the cab of the truck, and we were on our way to a tire dealership. We had a very nice conversation with the driver, during which he talked about his work, where he lived, and other personal things. I did not feel at all uncomfortable. He dropped us off at the dealership, we said a pleasant good bye and began the next phase of our adventure.
We had called the tire dealer prior to our arrival, and the man at the service desk was waiting for us. Before long our car was in the garage and our tire was being changed. While the tire replacement was not without its own challenges (we had to unload the very full trunk to find our lug nut lock), the process went surprisingly smoothly. And as we were finished, one of the service technicians ran out to tell us that the wear on our tires indicated that we ought to have our wheels aligned when we returned to Florida. And after a couple of hours, we were on our way.
To be absolutely clear, everyone we encountered during our unexpected side trip was as nice and as helpful as they possibly could have been. I never, for even a single moment, felt as though I was being treated differently than any other customer. In fact, I felt like everyone may have even gone out of their way to be especially nice because of our situation. I thanked everyone profusely, and told them how well I thought we were treated. The man at the service desk shrugged and told me that this is just how they do business. And I believed him.
People like me usually don’t hesitate to call out others for their unfounded biases. We, all too often, forget (or deny) that we have biases of our own. We criticize others who think that all Jews are rich (or cheap) or that all Blacks are good dancers (or take drugs). But we need to own our own shit.
For years, I (and many others) have been guilty of doing the exact things we criticize others for doing — having, and acting on, biases — while, at the same time, denying that we have them. And it is time we stop, or at least, make a meaningful attempt to stop. I know that the south isn’t a bad place and that all southerners are not antisemitic and/or racist. And it is time I stop acting like it. Honestly, I am not sure exactly what this means or what it looks like, as reflexes are hard things to control. But I know it is something I have to work on. And I know that the next time I find myself in a place that is foreign to me, I sincerely hope that my first response will be to think that the people I encounter will be kind and helpful and not ugly and hateful. I certainly will try to make that the case.